Build Self-Esteem Introduction

our self-love ratio.

Graphic for all the elements of self love including self-esteem

  • Self-Worth 
  • Self-Awareness 
  • Self-Care 
  • Self-Respect 
  • Self-Esteem 
  • Self-Growth 
And while we will focus on how to build self-esteem in this article it is important to note that when we work on one we working on all the different aspect of self-love.

In The Heart of Buddha’s Teachings Thich Nhat Hanh  uses a Buddhist term to describe this.

The idea is called Interbeing . In the context of the book he is talk about the the Four Noble Truths and the Eight Fold Path. When you touch one you touch them all. When you look deeply into one you look deeply into them all.

When you look in the mirror, how do you feel about yourself?

Do you love what you see?

If you don’t, this might be because you have low self-esteem. If this is the case, you should build it up because self-esteem is a critical aspect of success. Below are some easy ways you can work to build your self-esteem. 

For building self-esteem the 3 keys are

  • Dealing with Negative Thoughts
  • Self-Care
  • Working with your strengths

In each key area we have a section on  the theory and a section for practice

Now before I go on you might be interested in my Be Inspired page where you will find my Sunday Affirmations each week. Click on the button below and give us a thumbs up to join other Be-Inspired Enthusiasts.

Bonus Material. Ten Self-Esteem Boosting Quotes

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The First Key Area Is Working on Negative Thoughts

Go back to that mirror. What are you saying to yourself? Are you telling yourself what an amazing person you are, or are you nit-picking and complaining about everything you see?

This is your problem. To build self-esteem, you need to say goodbye to negative thoughts. Most people find it helpful to develop positive affirmations and use them to block negative thoughts.

For example, every time you think about how you don’t like your body weight, remind yourself that you are perfect just the way you are and don’t need to change yourself for anyone. If you don’t like your hair, remind yourself that there is more to life than hair, and it will grow out anyways.

Practical

Find your number. One of my favorite little tricks is to rate myself in an area I am working to improve myself. 
This serves two purposes.
1. You get a better idea of where you are starting from so you can understand the gap between where you are, and where you want to be.
2. You score which I always recommend you write down, also is a historical marker that clearly shows your progress over time. 

In the case of poor self-esteem, or negative self-image I offer this quick way to find your number.

 

Low Self Esteem Assessment

 

Check all that apply:

 

___ I see myself as unworthy.

___ I make negative, hurtful or belittling remarks about myself to myself or others. 

___ I see myself as unimportant.

___ I see myself as unattractive, disgusting or otherwise unappealing.

___ I have trouble accepting compliments.

___ I avoid trying new things as I am sure to fail.

___ I avoid social contact with peers.

___ It is difficult for me to see the positive traits about myself.

___ I am afraid of being rejected by my peers or even strangers.

___ I go out of my way to please others.

___ I do things I regret later to be accepted.

___ I have trouble saying ‘no’ to others.

___ I fear not being liked by others.

___ I do things to get attention.

___ I am a loser.

Scoring

Count the check marks.

0 – 5 – You might have a problem with self esteem. 

Click Here to Check out our Affirmations Masterclass

6 or more – Let’s talk about ways to improve your self esteem. Contact Nick Grimshawe for a free 20 minute consultation. nick@nicholasgrimshawe.com

Word of Caution

This is not a number you can now use to beat yourself up with. This is a judgement. This is simply a way of determining your way forward.

Here is one way to start improving your self-esteem. This  favorite positive affirmation works to change the years of negative self-worth you’ve accumulated. 
 
I am whole, I am well, and I am complete.
 
Say the affirmation ten times. Say it while walking down the street. Don’t be shy. Or say it when you have to stop at a traffic light. 
Maybe you don’t believe the affirmation at first but keep it up. Keep repeating ir to yourself like a mantra. Slowly your belief will strenth, you will start to feel some changes within you. Don’t stop until you can say it wilh absolute conviction,

You do want to feel that way, right? Then show your sticking-with-it power.

 

The Second Key is to Build Self Esteem is to Focus on Self-care

 Self-care is a critical part of building self-esteem. Without a foundation of self-care it’s hard to put yourself out there for others.

You will feel terrible about yourself if you don’t take the proper time necessary to care for yourself. This is why you can work to build your self-esteem by taking some time for self-care. Take a day off from work, head to the spa, maybe even unplug from your phone—whatever it takes to help you get the care you need.

Remember that self-care goes far beyond just taking a day off here and there. Rather it means you work each day to take care of your body with healthy food, exercise, and get the amount of sleep you need.

 

Happy people photo to illustrate self-care

 

Practical 5 Five- minute Self-Care Rituals 

  1. As you sip your morning coffee, take 5 minutes out from all the pressing matters of the day and simply notice your environment. Try to find something new, or out of the ordinary in your surroundings. 
  2. Leave your desk at lunch time , change your environment and do a slow breathing exercise focusing on your breath in and your breath out. Count the breath in for 5 and in for 5 for 5 minutes.
  3. Find quick and interesting ways to refresh your house or workspace. Change the tablecloth, add flowers, change the location of a piece of art. 
  4. 5 minute high-intensity exercise breaks give the mind a chance to focus elsewhere. Squats, pushups, skip rope, run up and down a flight of stairs. 
  5. In the evening take 5 minutes to review your day and think about what went well for you. 

You’ll be amazed how much doing this simple rituals will boost your self-image and self-esteem

The Third Key is to Build Self-Esteem to Work on Your Strengths

Everyone has weaknesses, and often the advice is to focus our time and effort on them. 

But do they really boost  self-esteem?

Perhaps a better use of our time would be to focus on our strengths and build self-esteem in areas where we feel at least some confidence.

Focusing on your strengths give you an immediate self-esteem boost. 

At the same time, building on out strengths gives us a faster win. And that added confidence allows us to look at areas we thought of as weakness and see, instead, opportunity to learn and improve your whole skill set.

The biggest problem with focusing on our strength is we often don’t have a good sense of what they are,

Quick, name your five top character strengths.

I have a solution.

I found this strengths assessment when I read “Flourish” by Martin Seligman. 

In his efforts to get people operating from their strengths, he developed the assessment .

I highly recommend you take the test.  This isn’t an affiliate program. I don’t make any money suggesting the site to you, but I believe you will find a huge benefit in taking this assessment. It take about 20 minutes. 

And be sure to copy out your top 5 strengths and learn them by heart.

I write mine out every morning   just to remind me to work from my strengths.

Practical

Here are the steps to follow.

1 Go to website
2 Create account.
3 Go to Questionnaires Tab
4 Find and do the VIA Survey of Character Strengths Assessment
5 Write down you top five strengths and keep them near by.

In Conclusion: You Are Amazing

No one escapes this life with out some struggle with self-esteem.

However, if se start to build self-esteem from the vantage point of “I am amazing.”  Knowing that we all have the capacity to become even more amazing, then the work takes on a different tone.

It’s no longer about fixing something that’s broke. It’s about stuffing in more amazing things within us.

Start using some of  the above three methods.

You may just be surprised at how much and how quickly you can improve your self-esteem to go on to create something amazing!

Like a more amazing you.

 Flourish and Prosper banner for the article of the same name

 

Nick Grimshawe

Read the Other Posts in this Self-Love Series

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